Purple boards are coming to Newton soon.
Last year the city rolled out the popular Lime Bike program across the city. The ubiquitous pick- em-up-and-ride, dock-less, rental bikes were a big hit. Nicole Freedman, Newton’s Director of Transportation says “it’s time for more, smaller, faster”. These motorized skateboards are an exciting addition to the transportation mix. With the small size and a top speed of 25 MPH, you’ll be able to weave in and around traffic, and fly up the sidewalks to run all your local errands in record time.
Says Freedman, “this newest development is all part of the exciting global DOS-SWA transportation movement. Rather than cities attempting to micro-manage people’s transportation choices, the DOS-SWA philosophy is Dump-en On Streets, See What Happens.”.
These are exciting times indeed. I can’t wait for the next truckload of new rental transportation devices to hit our neighborhoods. Rumor has it that the city is already talking to Hot-Skates – self powered electric skates with insane 0-30 MPH acceleration that will rival a Tesla. Sign me up!!
Disclaimer: This was one of our many April Fools stories for 2019