After the New York Times and New Yorker articles revealing the sexual assault and harassment claims against Harvey Weinstein, there has been a huge wave of women bearing witness to their experiences, most notably with the #MeToo hashtag on Facebook and Twitter, which indicates that they too have been subject to sexual assaults and harassment.
What do you think? Do you know women who have used #MeToo to tell their stories? Are you surprised by the number of women who have? Do you think that what’s happening on social media is making a difference? Has it changed your perception about the magnitude and impact of the problem of sexual assault and harassment?
Tying the #MeToo social media movement to Newton, would it make a difference to have more women in leadership roles? Would it matter to have, for the first time, a woman as mayor in Newton? Would it matter to have, for the first time, a city council that’s majority women? With the sheer number of women running for office this year, you have to figure that there are a few #MeToos among them.
Are we doing enough in our schools to discourage boys from sexual assault and harassment? Are doing enough to empower girls to report sexual assault and harassment? Do we protect girls who have reported sexual assault and harassment so that they don’t fear retribution and retaliation?
Do you have a #MeToo story to share?
I don’t know if it will make a difference, but I’m not surprised at the number of women (including me) posting “Me too”. I’m sure the number who could post it is close to 100%. I certainly doubt that there are any woman who has ridden public transit regularly or had to walk past construction sites who haven’t been harassed or groped.
I am not surprised by the number of women posting “#MeToo,” including most of the women in my immediate and extended family. But I am skeptical about the long term impact of this campaign.
We have had this conversation before. I was around for the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings and the backlash against Anita Hill (whom David Brock notoriously described as “a little bit nutty and a little bit slutty”). It is hard to believe that more than 25 years later the same old same old still goes on, and yet, here we are.
The emphasis has to be on teaching boys not to be sexual harassers and predators. Some are themselves victims, which is why they victimize others, but I would venture to say that the vast majority do it because they get the message early on that “boys will be boys” and will never suffer any negative consequences for it. And if they do, they can always blame the girls, who were asking for it because [fill in the blank].
Girls, too, get the message that they are mostly to blame for sexual harassment and assault (and amazingly women like Donna Karan are often the ones delivering that message). They also get the message from our Predator-in-Chief that it is okay to grab a women by the “pussy” without consequence if you are a powerful man, or at least to brag about it, since it is just “locker room talk.” They also get the message loud and clear that objecting and complaining about it will have negative consequences for them. And they know they will be told they were asking for it because [fill in the blank].
So, parents, deliver the message to your sons that sexual harassment will not be accepted and will be punished, and deliver the message to your daughters that they will be believed and will not be punished when they speak up. That it is on boys to stop doing this to girls, not on girls to stop the boys from doing it. And don’t rely on or expect the schools to do your job for you. This is on YOU. And you can start by sitting down with your kids and watching this interview with Emma Thompson about sexual harassment.
And to all those poor male executives and bosses out there who are now afraid to have a meeting alone with a female employee because they fear they will be accused of sexual harassment, a little advice: don’t show up for a meeting in a bathrobe asking for a massage, keep your Johnson securely in your pants, don’t physically or verbally harass a woman, don’t touch a woman without her consent, and don’t ask for sex in exchange for anything–in fact, don’t ask for sex at all–and you will have nothing to worry about.
That is all.
I am surprised at the number of ME TOO’s! I thought I was in the minority when it happened to me (as a teenager in a workplace). Just the thought of this brings me back and realizing how vulnerable I was, and at that time I had no idea who to go to. I am thankful to be working for a company that values everyone. We have training every year and I can’t imagine having it happen to me now. I know exactly who to report it to should it happen. However, I know I am in the minority.
I am very lucky because my company took a stand against a vendor who had a delivery person who harassed our receptionist. Our HR person called the company and said if they didn’t send a new person, we would be filing a lawsuit. Never saw that driver again on our route (and I certainly hope he was fired or re-trained).
However I am still surprised it happens. I know from a good friend, that he heard a co-worker recently make a statement in front of a female co-worker about her looks (loud enough for others to hear). Unfortunately, my friend didn’t know what to say at the time, but he knew to go to HR and report it. I don’t know what happened to the employee. But I really can’t believe it still happens.
Excellent post Ted.
I am not surprised at all of the ME TOOS! Unfortunately most of the females I know well enough to know, including myself, have either been sexually harassed, sexually assaulted or both at some point in their lives. Many more than once.
I’ve heard the “boys will be boys” refrain from parents and neighbors. I’ve seen the looks that say, “she was asking for it.” I’ve volunteered for several abused women’s shelters and heard all of the stories.
It will take a lot more than another round of women coming out publicly to end it. It will take strong, powerful women teaching their sons to behave and their daughters not to take bullshit. It will take a culture shift for more and more men to treat their wives, sisters, daughters and any other women they come into contact with the dignity all of them deserve. Fathers being good role models is the best way but there are others.
@Marti, I don’t disagree, except to say that FATHERS have to teach their sons and not just serve as role models. The strongest woman in the world (my mom was one of them) is no match for a father who serves weak tea to his son(s) on the topic of sexual harassment.
Ted,
Since you brought in Trump into this conversation, its only fair to bring focus back on Hollywood culture.
For whatever reason, it was accepted that to “get ahead” in Hollywood meant putting up with sexism, giving certain favors and selling your body.
Many A list actors had many opportunities to speak against this culture, but none wanted to “rock the boat”
This is very much a cultural problem, from accepting movies which glorify sexism, stereo-typing female role to certain music with lyrics treating women like a commodity.
Call me old fashioned, but the media and entertainment industry bear some responsibility over the past decades
@bugek, I agree the entertainment industry is at fault for not standing up and speaking up about Harvey Weinstein, and all the many, many, many others who have used “casting couches” since literally the dawn of the performing arts. Watch the video.
That does not, however, allow us to conveniently ignore the fact that this goes on in every industry, in every profession, in every kind of organization, in government, in sports, and anywhere and everywhere else powerful men use their power and influence for their own gratification and amusement. But, like rape, it isn’t about sex. It is about power. And dominance. And violence. And making themselves feel big by making someone else feel small. And if you or anyone else thinks that the people in the entertainment industry somehow have a monopoly on hypocrisy and silent conspiracies, then I have a bridge in Brooklyn you may be interested in buying.
Agree Ted!
Whoever downvoted Ted’s comment has a real problem.
@Sean Roche-“Tying the #MeToo social media movement to Newton, would it make a difference to have more women in leadership roles? ”
Yes- it would make a difference, but what an interesting conundrum we find ourselves in as a city to have such a large contingency of dynamic, experienced and smart women running for office. I feel so fortunate to have what I consider a “dream-team” in co-chairs- two seasoned women highly invested in the community with rich and challenging work experience. They provide me with the best guidance a candidate can ask for. We spend a fair amount of our strategy sessions discussing the rules of running as a woman, making sure I don’t appear bitchy, serious but not too serious, smart but not arrogant. My opponent’s main strategy is that I lack experience and leadership skills (25 years in non-profit and government leadership roles, ran my own business for 12 years and have twin 13 year olds, no offense but I think I could be president. ;0)) One of his supporters even stopped me while I was canvassing and asked me “if I had any idea what I was doing?” I recently met with a woman- a stalwart of the community- we had coffee in May- for an hour- she spoke about her frustration with my opponent, his votes on affordable housing and his passive role on the council. She needed to think about the Charter question but she was leaning towards supporting me. I canvassed her door in July and we hashed out a few more issues and she told me I had earned her vote. This past weekend I went by her house and saw my opponents sign on her front lawn.
I knocked on her door and she wasn’t home so I emailed her, expressing my disappointment in losing her vote, and as her ward 6 councilor I looked forward to working with her despite her lawn sign. She responded that she appreciated my email but at the end of the day all the “new” (read-female?) candidates made her nervous and she feared group think- at the end of the day she would rather go with the “crusty” councilor she knew.
Make no mistake- this is not a pity party- I am in it to win it and quite frankly having the time of my life. I just am shocked at how naive I was about how we still feel about women in this culture. I didn’t write #metoo on my Facebook page because I was afraid it might be used to further my oppositions narrative. But here is the reality. #metoo.
I am qualified and have a plethora of dynamic leadership and consensus building experience to serve Ward 6 and navigate the challenging issues Newton is facing. I ask for your vote on November 7th not because of my gender, or in spite of it- I ask for your vote because I am confident in my abilities to serve Ward 6.
@Brenda: Thank you for that amazing comment. I can’t vote for you for city council (wouldn’t it be great if one day voters city-wide could elect all our councilors?). But you have my vote for president.
@Brenda – I agree with almost all of what you wrote, but I would not be so quick to think that person was equating “new” and “female”.
There are a lot of new faces this time around, which is really good IMO. However, we are losing at least 3 experienced stand-out Councilors no matter what happens, thanks to the mayoral race, and with them we’re losing a lot of institutional memory. I think you have fantastic experience, will be a dynamic Councilor with much more initiative than our current one, and am a big supporter of you; still, I respect the feelings of anyone who is nervous about the amount of turnover we’ll be having.
That said, I hear and completely understand the conundrums you face as a woman running for office. Women have to walk a tight-rope – be firm and strong opinions but don’t be “pushy”, respond assertively but don’t be “bitchy” by saying things that would be fine coming from a male.
I’m old enough to see how much it’s changed from the days where my grandmother and Sandra Day O’Connor had no choice but to work in the DA’s office because private firms wouldn’t hire women. I saw my grandmother sworn in as a judge. I’ve seen behavior that was ignored become illegal. I did share #metoo, and I can remember when women wouldn’t have dared to.
Sorry for the long diatribe – guess I’m a little opinionated. :)