Scott Lennon, Internal Auditor for the Middlesex County Sherriff’s Department, claims no responsibility for the all-points bulletin issued this morning by Middlesex Sherriff, Peter Koutoujian, to arrest any elected officials in Newton who are “at-large.” According to the Tab, Lennon had attempted to explain to Koutoujian that two-thirds of Newton’s City Council was at-large and that it might look like Lennon was trying to lock up his Mayoral opponents. Lennon assured Tab Editor Andy Levin, that he would never stoop to such a low level and accused rumor-mongers of fake news reports that accused him of such hideous activities.

Outraged, all sixteen at-large Councilors, led by Ruthanne Fuller, countered that they felt threatened and would not legislate any docketed items until Koutoujian removed his order. When advised of this turn of events, opponents of all Special Permit requests in the City cheered. The Councilors then locked themselves in City Council Chambers, allowing only David Olson to bring them turkey soup twice a day! Their compelling argument that, when locked in the Chambers, they could not be considered to be at-large, won support from Mayor Warren.

Koutoujian was unavailable for comment, but his office denied any knowledge of the order. Police Chief David MacDonald and Warren said they would not aid Middlesex in any enforcement effort of this order. Lennon was overheard talking with Representative Joe Kennedy, in Newton for his Town Meeting on Sunday, urging Kennedy to ask for federal troops to deport the sixteen to Alaska.

In a surprise move, the Charter Commission voted Wednesday to propose making all City Councilors at-large, eight geographically by ward and four by unknown District assignment. It is postulated that they may be assigned to aid Mass wildlife in the removal of turkeys from City Hall grounds.