A Brookline elementary school guidance counselor shared this with teachers today. It’s very powerful and might help some parents of young children…
Thoughts for talking to my children today (and reassurances to myself):
1) This is what a democracy looks like. If we want the freedoms that democracy provides, we have to be willing to face disappointing outcomes. We can’t have one without the other.
2) We don’t know what will happen. There are many, many people who care deeply about our country and our world, and will not give up.
3) We must think carefully about the role we will play moving forward. What will we care about and work toward? How can children contribute?
4) This outcome doesn’t change our core beliefs in love, optimism, and hope. NO ONE can ever take your beliefs from you. The test of a good and great person is how they respond to being kicked, so let’s strengthen our beliefs, strengthen our ideals, and use our power for good.
5) A bully won this time, because he was able to convince a lot of people that he had the answers. This does not change our expectations of you. Your strength is in being a good friend, a thoughtful person, and a leader. Lead with kindness.
6) We will live with the people who voted for Trump for a long, long time. They are also people who love their children, and want security and safety for their families. We have to learn to listen to and understand them.
My beloved children, this is a challenge, and a big one. We will get through it together, because that is what we do. Let’s get through it with heart and chutzpah.
They would be more powerful if the guidance counselor hadn’t assumed that everyone she was addressing was anti-Trump. How will the children of Trump supporters feel after reading this?
Other teachers, principals, and deans have managed to write words addressed at everyone and calling for reconciliation, rather than assuming that everyone at their schools agrees with them. This was inappropriate.
Was there a similar letter sent around this morning to the parents of the 30,000+ children who will now continue languishing on a waiting list?
That has depressed me…a lot. But unfortunately, others saw it differently than I did.
1a) If you want to have a disproportional democracy in a country that’s 49% brain-dead, expect idiotic and ruinous results.
Any child whose parents think it’s okay to condone the sexual groping and objectification of females, the beating of opponents’ supporters, and racism, should be assigned a case worker from DCF. Their parents are unfit to parent. So, I’d be quite happy to learn that those children are finally being exposed to civilized thinking.
I don’t know. This guidance councilor stated that Trump supporters “love their children, and want security and safety for their families. We have to learn how to listen to and understand them.” This hardly sounds like someone who is trying to dehumanize people that are on the other side of the political fence. Remember, too that this is Brookline where I suspect up to 80% of the voters chose Clinton. I’ve worked on several village issues with Republican stalwarts in Newton who voted for Donald Trump. They are good people and I’m not going to shut the door on them because of this election regardless of how much I am hurting this evening and how much I’m almost completely certain that these results are not good for America or the World.
The point is that the guidance counselor assumes that everyone she’s addressing agrees with her and is not part of the “they” she’s referring to. A guidance counselor should not be making kids in her school feel like they don’t belong.
While I am vehemently not a Trump supporter, to say the least, there are ways this guidance counselor could have address the school’s children without excluding some of them, and that’s what she should have done. I have seen messages sent today that did that.
When s/he says “my children”, maybe s/he is really talking about what to say to her own children.
Loathe Trump, didn’t vote for him… but some of you need a lesson in democracy if you think this was a sham. A guidance councilor absolutely should NOT be taking positions on one or the other side of the political fence. This is insane, and counter-productive.
Suggesting people with different political beliefs than you should have their kids taken? You are much more the problem with America than 99% of the people who voted for Trump.
Trump has faults. So did Clinton. Clinton lost more than Trump won… just look at voter turnout. Liberals are MUCH more intolerant than most conservatives I know, and here is yet another glaring example.
Just to be clear, HRC won the popular vote by approximately 200,000 votes. This is beside the point of this thread, but that fact is very confusing to young children.
A teacher/counselor has to know his/her audience. If a student says, “I’m afraid,” then these template conversations are helpful to a new teacher. But with a few years under you’re belt, you can and should have a more nuanced conversation.
Mark – at this moment, there are 3000 open seats in charter schools in Boston. The law states that charter schools don’t have to replace a student that leaves the school. However, the charter schools could still take the students if they so choose. Unfortunately, they do not choose to do so. You might want to consider why they don’t take students off the waiting list and/or why the law is written with this provision.
Right. But the difference is: the conservative (and Trump) intolerance is toward people of color, the LGBT community, immigrants, non-Christians, non-English speakers, recipients of public assistance, and probably 100 other categories of the other, while the liberal intolerance is toward intolerance.
If you think this is simply an issue of “people with different political beliefs,” then you need a lesson in history.
I did not vote for Trump. Worse for me, I was on the losing side of virtually every race for which I cast a vote for (except legalized Marijuana).
Pretend that Clinton won. Go back and read the guidance counselor’s advice replacing “he” with “she,” and “Trump” with “Clinton.” Pretty offensive, huh?
Exactly my point… the all conservatives are racist, intolerant towards people of color, etc narrative. Took all of one comment for it to come out. Some conservatives are racially intolerant, sure (and I’ve never met an old racist democrat, hah), but this basically makes my point. Liberals think they have a monopoly on how various minority communities are allowed to think, and they use this arrogance to tell off anyone who disagrees with them, try to silence them, etc. Well look where it got you.
I was a Johnson voter too. I don’t think too highly of either Clinton or Trump.
Jeffrey – The guidance counselor shared it with the teachers who might encounter frightened and upset students. There is no indiction whatsoever that this list was intended as a class lesson or discussion.
Some students are afraid after every election. It doesn’t matter who wins or loses an election, students will come to school after absorbing their parents’ upset. This isn’t specific to this election or any candidate. Most of these are pretty standard with the exception of #5 which I wouldn’t use under any circumstances and #6 which is too sappy for me.
A Clinton victory would not have left anyone fearing for their safety. Millions of Americans who are LGBT, black, Latino, Muslim, disabled, or female literally fear for their safety in President Trump’s America, as do immigrants both legal and undocumented. Children are not the only ones needing a soothing word right now.
Do elementary school kids really
need to be infected with the cancerous,
corrosive effects of partisan politics?
Aren’t these “guidance” counselors
doing these children a great disservice
by not allowing them the opportunity
to enjoy and savor the one tiny part of their lives that shouldn’t be corrupted
by adult concerns? I’m not
suggesting blissful, willful ignorance,
but what ever happened to allowing kids to be concerned with being
kids? God help us….
Totally inappropriate. These “Thoughts for talking to my children today (and reassurances to myself):” are just that and should be left to facebook posts.
School Counselors are there to address the needs of every child in the school.
Paul,
It is too late for not having our elementary school kids hear current events. Most schools talk about the election process during a presidential year. And even if they don’t, the kids hear it at home. We are a current events family and since a young age, our kids saw us read the Globe and started to read it themselves in 4th/5th grade. We are interested to hear what they have to say and we have many interesting discussions.
Another side note – when I was in third grade, I remember watching the Reagan inauguration in school. TV was not shown often, and after hearing about the election and having a mock election, it was cool to watch the noon inauguration while eating lunch at our desks.
My daughter and son-in-law were watching the election returns when my 5 yr old grandaughter came downstairs and said her ear still hurt and could she snuggle with them. As she was there beside them, the tide was changing and Trump was gathering unpredicted states in his Electoral camp. She began to act worried and upset, saying how awful it would be and a woman should be President (discussions she had had in school and had been spared by her parents), At that moment my darling s-i-law hugged her and said, don’t worry… that means YOU can be the first woman President! Not only was she reassured, but went happily back to bed to dream of that!
Great example Sallee. Particularly for a 5 year old.
Paul, I understand the point you are making – keyword partisan. During this election year and for the last 10 years, I have felt the same way. My gkids are very involved. I was involved as a child. But politics and presidential elections were completely different when I was a child.
The ugliness that’s been politics as my kids became adults and had kids has lasting effects. Hatred on both sides. Maybe it’s time we had more viable political parties – more diversified political seats at the table. When a majority want change, as happens every 4 or 8 years, maybe they need more and better choices.
Paul – The conversation about the orderly change in leadership is very typical in schools, as it should be. It’s how we teach children about how our government functions. Young children hear about election results at a very young age, are unsettled by change, and often just need good information.
I’ve never told a student whom I voted for so I don’t approach this subject from a partisan perspective. But when a child says, “I’m scared” in school, you can’t ignore it under any circumstances.
Not everyone accepted Reagan’s victory without protesting.
This from a friend,
“When Reagan was elected I was a student in DC. There were alternative inauguration balls. PLus a designated area (in front of the FBI building) along the parade route. We need to do the same and more #protest@inauguration”
Given all the violence last night, I think people who exercised their right to vote for Trump are the ones who should fear most for their safety.
The question is not whether or not kids are scared – that should definitely be addressed. It’s not whether elections and current events should be followed in school. It’s that it’s inappropriate for a guidance counselor or any school staff to be displaying partisanship in school. It’s inappropriate for a guidance counselor to assume that all teachers and kids/parents agree with her view of the election and to “other” those who disagree with her.
All of the important points in that message (except #5, which is completely unacceptable) could have been expressed in a way that didn’t demean those she disagrees with and applied to people on both sides of the aisle. For example, #6 could have been written as:
“We will live with the people who voted for a candidate we disliked for a long, long time. They are also people who love their children, and want security and safety for their families. We have to learn to listen to and understand them.”
Words from another blog that seem wiser than the years of the author who is my eldest kid! Incidentally, for some perspective, she lives in Michigan. (If this link doesn’t work…since I am techno-challenged…please copy and paste into your browser.)
http://www.docthoughts.com/election-reflection/
The bigotry of smug liberals rises again.
I had to endure 8 years of BHO. That’s the way a democracy works. No tears. No “scared”.
Trump should be a pleasure for liberals. He’s much less conservative than the Republican leadership is.
Stop whining and grow up. You’ll survive Trump like I survived Obama.
@Barry: Just wondering: do you think Barack Obama is a Muslim?
Gail
Do you?
@Barry: No, I don’t. Do you?
Why would you ask me a question like this? It is irrelevant to the topic here, and just a liberal’s way of trying to indict me because I’m not upset Hillary’s loss.
Fundamentally, I think teacher’s should keep politics out of the classroom, unless it’s a class in current events. But even at that they should respect other opinions. I guess you consider half the US to be among the “deplorables”.
Barry,
I consider some, but not all, of Trump’s supporters deplorable. I recognize that there are a lot of people who truly feel so disenfranchised, so neglected that they were willing to risk blowing up the system. I think the Democratic party needs to understand those people better.
But I suspect that I’ll never understand the perspective of someone who thinks Obama is a muslim. That’s why I asked.
When I was holding a Yes on 3 sign at Bigelow School on Tuesday, I was next to 2 black people from Boston holding Yes on 2 signs. A white Bigelow student boy shouted at them repeatedly “No on 2! Go home! No on 2! Go home!”
To call it an uncomfortable moment would be the understatement of the year.
Emily – I stood with the Newton coordinator of the Yes vote on Tuesday as he barked at me for 45 minutes. The other person holding a Yes sign was embarrassed and acknowledged that he didn’t make a convincing case. Before he arrived, she and I had been having an interesting conversation about public education.
I recognized this same man from the school committee meeting where the vote on whether to support the No on 2 position was discussed. During the discussion, one of his people yelled out, “Lie!” on three occasions. After the third incident, the vice chair insisted that he stop. However,the coordinator made no attempt to rein in the man. During a public comment segment at the end of the meeting, Scott Oran, a Yes vote supporter, yelled at School Committee member Diana Fisher Gomberg, calling her “disgusting” and Margie Ross Decter a “liar”. Uncomfortable indeed.
It’s been a long and ugly election season and it’s time to commit to a more civil discourse as we move forward.
Gail,
You need to stop attacking Trump and his supporters and reflect on your own terrible candidate. She should have won hands down. She easily should have had the women’s vote, half the electorate, for a start. But she was so bad that even women (and many men) who’d love to see a woman president couldn’t vote for her.
@Barry:
You’re right. I was acting like an asshole for asking that question. I apologize.
I don’t think that reflecting on Hillary’s loss is the answer though. I want to understand the people who feel so hopeless that they could vote for someone who espoused racism, misogyny, ultra-nationalism, etc. I refuse to believe that they all agree with Trump’s positions.
@Gail. I’m almost certain the majority of voters who went for Trump do not share his stated views on the issues you raise, but then again I’m not certain that what Trump spouted before and during the campaign reflects what he actually believes, or was done for effect or to keep his name in public focus. You don’t have to be a statistical genius to conclude that millions of people who voted for Obama in 2008 and 2012 turned around this time and opted for Trump. And Obama’s personal approval rating was in the high 50s on the day that Trump won the Presidency. What really croaked Hillary were independent voters who went decisively for Trump. During the primary campaigns, Bernie almost always swamped Hillary with independent voters when they were allowed to participate in the Democratic Primary. Bruce Henderson, Rachel Rosenbaum and I did a lot of canvassing for Bernie and we began to notice this in New Hampshire even before the primary campaign started to really heat up this past January. I had a good feeling about Bernie’s chances in New Hampshire once it became clear that independent voters were not only questioning Clinton’s relations with the powerful, but that they were really coming to like and trust Bernie. I’m certain that Jeb Bush was also harmed by a similar phenomenon on the Republican side. I’d only caution Trump and his supporters not to overlook one important thing that independents (whether they were for Trump or Bernie) seemed to be looking for and that was a sense of fairness on the part of government and government leaders. The activists and Democratic stalwarts in Bernie’s campaign voted for Hillary, but I’m pretty certain that a lot of the independents that supported him opted for Trump.
In my devastation and worry over what may happen next year, I have fallen back on first why and then what we can do.
I have been involved for most of my life in seeking to understand the sociology behind why people act and think the way they do, both personally and politically. I grew up a liberal in the southeast, in the suburbs but first on army bases. Sometimes it drove me crazy but mostly I tried to find out where they were coming from. We moved to CT to raise our kids but still I traveled and studied other’s lives. Sometimes I drive my kids crazy always mentioning the possible reasons for the other side of arguments.
I think we Progressives have to take other people’s reality more seriously. I think we progressives need to be less assured and spend more time trying to understand why people act and think the way they do. Beliefs are formed from experience and propaganda. I think we need to realize the power of propaganda and its effects, particularly when unrest widely exists.
Public education needs to educate all children well if we expect intelligent debates.
More journalists need to cover places other than Washington and New York.
A lot of people in this country feel left out. They already felt the government establishment in Washington was elite, arrogant and not tuned in to their needs; it’s all they’ve heard for many years from the ones they listen to. But it’s also what they hear from us – making fun of the way they think, the things they believe, the things they say and the way they talk – and of their candidate.
A lot of union workers are worried about immigration. We need to accept their anxiety as real. A few years ago the AFL-CIO was against immigration.
A lot of people don’t understand gender identity – it scares them. It’s a complicated subject. Learning the differences between gender and sexual requires both a willingness to learn and a willingness to teach.
A lot of women do draw from their experience to think all men talk and act any way they want. We need to listen to and accept women who don’t know any other reality to understand why the tape from the Access Hollywood RV didn’t influence their vote.
This is a good article about a professor at University of Wisconsin in Madison, Kathy Cramer’s, recent book, “The Politics of Resentment,” in which she chronicles her years of spending time with people living in rural Wisconsin and offers the perspectives she learned.
It also mentions J.D. Vance’s memoir “Hillbilly Elegy” which offers a narrative about broken families and social decay. “There is a lack of agency here — a feeling that you have little control over your life and a willingness to blame everyone but yourself,”
It includes, Sociologist Arlie Hochschild who tells a tale of perceived betrayal. According to her research, white voters feel the American Dream is drifting out of reach for them, and they are angry because they believe minorities and immigrants have butted in line.
Good books.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/11/08/a-new-theory-for-why-trump-voters-are-so-angry-that-actually-makes-sense/
Friends and family have asked for things that can be done. I offer some suggestions.
1. Get involved in your local government. Go to meetings and hold your school boards accountable. Do research and support candidates and initiatives that stand up for people’s rights. Help pass levies for schools and other basic services. Write your Senators and your Representatives in the House at both the state and federal level to tell them how important these things are to you.
2. Donate to important causes that are likely about to lose federal dollars. Support political and legal advocacy groups that fight for fundamental human rights and for the planet. There are many of these, but just a few would be the ACLU, the Human Rights Campaign, Planned Parenthood, the National Alliance Against Sexual Violence, and the Sierra Club. A less commonly talked about, but still crucial issue, is trying to protect net neutrality and an open internet. With an authoritarian as president, the ability to spread information and prevent censorship is going to be crucial. While the internet has its drawbacks and its benefits, it is still better for consumers to be in charge and not massive corporations or the government. While I am no expert on this issue, some brief research shows that Access and the Global Net Neutrality Network are two groups involved along with the ACLU.
3. Start paying for the content you receive from quality, media sources that do solid, fact-based journalism. Our investigative journalists and our trusted sources for information are languishing. We have the power to fix that. Include popular science journals that provide accurate information about climate change like Science News. The press needs to feel the love in the form of our dollars and our support.
4. Reach out to scared friends and family members in vulnerable communities to let them know that they are not alone. Tell them that millions of us have their backs, and that we will fight for them. Speak out everywhere. Try to keep a civil tone as most people stop listening when insulted, but anywhere and everywhere you can, make your voice heard. Tyranny happens when the people grow complacent or remain silent. We can do everything in our power to hold this new head of state accountable, protect the less powerful, and provide financial support and volunteer hours to the organizations on the front lines that are fighting to preserve liberty, equality, and the planet.
“Bookstores in the Boston area report the increased popularity of J.D. Vance’s “Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis,” Arlie Russell Hochschild’s “Strangers in Their Own Land,” and Nancy Isenberg’s “White Trash,” all of which focus on a demographic that heavily backed Donald Trump — white working-class Americans.”
http://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/2016/11/11/people-look-books-explain-trump-election/R8SIp3Si78ZdpLesiBZIKI/story.html?p1=Article_Related_Box_Article
I usually like talking about issues and not about one person or just one post but Marti’s post is exceptional. All I can say is “ditto” on every point, most especially about education.
My take-away on this election was that it demonstrated yet again the ever-widening income gaps and was, once again, a snapshot of the haves vs the have-nots. I’m oversimplifying this…but the DNC really didn’t have their finger on the pulse. If they had, he still may have lost, but the selection of Bernie would’ve made more sense in this reality IMHO.
I find the previous comments interesting, Gail’s being the simplest and easiest to understand. You make the assumption that all your ‘progressive’ views are correct. Then you try to understand why the Trump voters don’t get it. Perhaps they’re hillbillies or white trash.
You’re arrogant. I’m well-educated, a Newton resident, and I know many others like me, yes, even here in left-wing heaven of Massachusetts who voted happily for Trump. Not necessarily our ideal candidate, but you only get to choose between two. The world doesn’t necessarily think your ideas are acceptable, or your prejudices.
@Barry: Never mind.
Barry, I am not feeling arrogant and I’m sorry if my words came across as arrogant to you. I refer to myself as a progressive and I was addressing my fellow progressives with some reasons a demographic that heavily backed Donald Trump — white working-class Americans – voted for him. I was expressing my opinions not making any assumptions that my thinking is correct for everyone. My beliefs developed, just like yours, from my experiences and propaganda in the form of scholarly and journalistic reading and study.
I don’t presume to know your reasons for choosing to vote for Trump but I don’t believe that you or white working-class Americans are not intelligent – well-educated is another thing. I’m sure you are but many of the latter do not receive quality public education and can not afford any college.
As for the names chosen for the books I recommended, “Hillbilly Elegy” is about the poverty and decline experienced by the author’s family and the area he grew up in and “White Trash” covers 400 years of classism in America. Both authors identify with the words they put on the covers of their books.
Again, Marti, you seemed to make the assumption that a well-educated person couldn’t vote for Trump. Maybe we’re just sick of 8 years of the Obama agenda, which Hillary planned to continue: open borders, reverse racism causing greater racial division, affinity for Moslem troublemakers like the Moslem Brotherhood, antipathy towards Israel, a welfare-state give-away mentality, mockery of anyone who disagrees with him, a weak and demoralized military and police force, street justice like anti-Trump or Black Lives Matter or Occupy Wall Street, and on and on. Trump didn’t win. Hillary lost. As I said earlier, she should have won easily.
Barry, no assumptions made. I said “I’m sure you are …” well-educated and “I don’t presume to know … why you chose to vote for Trump.”
Thank you for posting many of the reasons you voted the way you did. We agree on some, the Muslim Brotherhood and certainly the mockery. I harbor no antipathy for Israel.
We disagree on others. I don’t think we have open borders. I realize and understand that many in this country believe there is reverse racism; I do not. I do believe protest movements are sometimes necessary.
It comes down to, we have different ideas about how this country should function. There have always been differences in politics and there always will be.
The democratic party we grew up with would have won this election easily. The disenfranchised would have been democrats, but the party have left that demographic and is paying for it. I hope they see this as a major issue and regroup their positions in helping the struggling blue collar working man. Otherwise, this will be the first of many disappointed losses.
Can you imagine how the disenfranchised have turned for help to a billionaire? How far off message is this party?? I know that’s one of the reasons why I left the dems. I’m sure there are many people that think like me out there (although, I voted Clinton). I only voted for Clinton for the Supreme Court appointments.
disappointing losses
Tom is right about the Democratic Party. I used to vote straight Democrat. But, no more. They don’t represent me.
Facebook: Pantsuit Nation Boston. It’s organizing at an incredible pace and moving forward.
There’s also Pantsuit Nation MetroWest.