When my daughter turned 11 back in 1994, I decided I would add refereeing to my soccer coaching bag of tricks, figuring that she wouldn’t be playing for many more years and that officiating would be a great way to stay involved in Newton youth sports. Well, I ended up coaching for 27 years anyway, well after my daughter moved on; but refereeing has also been a constant in my recreational life. A few years ago, I joined up with EMSOA, the organization that assigns officials for the games at Newton North and Newton South and other public and private high schools in the region. Besides the chance for regular exercise and the challenge of making calls in fast-moving games, the camaraderie with other officials has been an extra bonus. And I’ve witnessed some terrific coaches, like NNHS’s Peter Goddard, who get that the game is part of the academic day and teach lessons about responsibility and citizenship, in addition to foot skills.
And so it was with great sadness that I read an article a few weeks ago by Newton’s Mary Fitzgerald, outlining why she has given up this activity. I’ve known Mary for years as a fellow coach, referee, and, most recently, as an assessor who helped me and other referees review our officiating judgment and technique so we could do a better job. Mary’s essay does not take aim at misbehaving schoolchildren. Rather, it is an indictment of the adults surrounding the children–parents, coaches, and school administrators–who fail to do their job, “role models who refused to honor their responsibility and hold them (the players) accountable for their own mistakes and instead blame me.” She concludes: “It was enough to break my heart — and led to my decision to stop officiating high school soccer.”
Mary is no weak willed person who lacks staying power. Quite the opposite. And she has inspired many players and colleagues over the years with her manner, devotion, and toughness. So when our children lose someone like her in this role, we all really lose someone who brings value to their lives.
Why do I write this now? Talking with many others over the weeks since Mary’s article was published, I was left to worry that the kind of nasty discourse that she describes has grown in frequency and intensity in school- and neighborhood-based interactions and events. Unless the adults in the room speak up when this occurs, we will not only drive out manners but also people of good will who are the glue of our community.
Paul,insightful as he invariably is, captures the “nasty discourse”, a dueling vitriol, heard, attending young people’s’ sports. Is this where empathy fails us?When this marvelous, Mary Fitzgerald, pleasant, personable, professional , MIAA Referee of Year 2018, spurns our children’s soiled scrum, we seek blame. Not so fast. Bellicose, boors yet bluster on, non stop, since Eddie Shore, dazzled Boston Bruin ice.
What is antidote? Leadership: Parents, Coaches, administrators.
100 years ago,in aftermath of inhuman, industrial strength slaughter, of WW1, civil unrest, the poet diagnoses with clarity: “Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold…
The best lack all conviction, while the worst- Are full of passionate intensity.’
Were Nobel laureate, W.B. Yeats, to observe this petty, antic parade, of a few, he might say the silent, ‘best’ among us, need to assert themselves. Seize the conviction, display the ethical, exemplify the rectitude. Be the best–do the ‘grown-up’ thing.
Thank you, Paul, for bringing attention to this issue. I refereed from 8th-12th grade (I’m in college now but still certified), and I refereed Newton travel teams between 9 and 18 years old. It was a challenging, fun, and rewarding high school job, but the constant argument from coaches and spectators almost drove me to quit on multiple occasions during my first year. Without coaching and encouragement from more experienced referees (like Paul), I’m not certain I would have continued. I had several coworkers who decided the job wasn’t worthwhile and quit.
Just to be clear, this is a major problem in Newton, at all ages. The verbal berating frequently occurs starting in under-11 and under-12 games, directed at teenage referees who are often just beginning to officiate. Any skeptics are welcome to watch a Saturday afternoon game at Weeks or Fessenden. One cause of the problem in high school sports is that yelling at referees becomes ingrained in the culture at younger levels. Coaches and spectators need to stop screaming at referees and teach players from a young age not to blame competitive defeats on referees. Any organized effort to solve this problem will require bold leadership from school + local sports administrators.
If you wouldn’t normally swear at a random 15 year old, don’t do it at Weeks field while they’re refereeing!
Paul & Michael,
It is great that you are bringing this to light. Perhaps this is a recently growing phenomenon and many are not aware. I must say that in all the school and community sporting team events I attended now many years back and watching my two daughters (granted it was girls not boys), I never saw that behavior in soccer as well as softball, basketball, ice hockey (sometimes very intense) or ultimate frisbee. (Paul, you coached one of my daughters for two years in Newton youth soccer. You were the best!)
In any case, perhaps Newton can implement a program/policy that at the beginning of each game the referees approach the spectators/parents etc. and make a sort of an official appropriate statement on this which would serve to caution as well as make those spectators/parents self conscious on this issue. And it would serve to remind them that the referees are people too, not objects.
Finally, many many thanks to all those (frequently underappreciated) referees. Please hang in — maybe bringing this to light and the above will help.
This is so important and so sad that it’s come to this. Coincidentally, my son and I had a discussion of his BAYS and Little League experiences starting 20 years ago that focused on issues related to this. In particular, he remembers fondly and has great respect for his coaches who emphasized good sportsmanship and treating the referees properly.
Some of his most vivid memories are one Little League game where the head of the league had to be called in because the other teams coach was bullying the poor teen umpire into changing calls, while in another game his teammate was benched for arguing a call. The wonderful pair of BAYS coaches he had for several years would also pull players if they were disrespectful to refs. And who also reported an opposing coach to the league because he’d been so abusive to the kids on his team during the game (to the point we were all stunned).
Of all his youth sports memories, the good sportsmanship lessons and contrast between the well-behaved parents on his teams (because coaches wouldn’t have tolerated anything less) and those of some coaches and parents on other teams made the deepest impressions.
Thanks, @Jim. BAYS has a “zero tolerance” policy with regard to criticism of the referee by players, coaches, and parents. It has gone a long way to keeping things more civil at kids’ games in this part of the state. The town leagues and the BAYS board have seriously enforced this when violations are brought to their attention.
And, yet, as Michael’s note implies, it is very difficult for a youth referee to stand up to adults when bad behavior develops–and might not even pass along the ZT violation in their game report. And what a loss for everyone when kids give up officiating because of these incidents.
That was _your_ daughter?! A lovely person. I hope she is doing very well. Please pass along my best!
@Meredith, I’ve reached out to high school athletic directors when I’ve seen examples of good sportsmanship by the coaches during games I’ve officiated. It’s my small way of offering positive reinforcement, i.e, complimenting the coaches to their bosses.
Finally, I want to note that Newton Girls Soccer has created an annual award to be presented every December to recognize a youth referee who exemplifies the personal qualities and professional standards that guided our friend, the late Grant Balkema, as an accomplished referee. “The Grant Balkema Memorial Award is presented to a high school youth referee who has been active with Newton Girls Soccer games and who has achieved high standards of maturity, sensitivity, good humor, and sound judgment in managing play to promote the great game of soccer. The recipient will also have demonstrated keen knowledge of the Laws of the Game and highest respect for the traditions of the game that have so enhanced the lives of many young people in Newton.” https://newtongirlssoccer.org/home/resources/for-referees/grant-balkema-award/
@Paul – you can now tell the coaches that their good examples make an impression on kids. My son seriously loved the examples his coaches set and learned from them.
Some college intermural programs require teams to provide refs for other games as a way to lower program costs and keep it sustainable. I will never forget the first basketball game I refereed that way — it got away from me. Not that I ever criticized refs before that experience, but I certainly never have since. I wonder if all parents and players should be required to ref a contest to develop some empathy for officials.
Unfortunately, at more senior levels, it seems like fans and coaches now see yelling at officials as a core competency needed to win games.
As Paul notes, parallels do emerge in how some treat our community leaders. Everyone should have to try being mayor for a week.
Jack Prior,
I must take the strongest of exceptions to your equating the Mayor (or any mayor) to a referee. That’s precisely what she is not; she is a political advocate and rightly so. And I don’t see any “yelling” at the Mayor, for example. But if you’re applying your critique to that of the harshly written word to or about our political government leaders, may I point out that precisely had this recently not been the case vis a vis the Mayor of Newton we’d now be looking at a likely future excessively inflated unwanted (by most residents) combination community, athletic and senior complex situated smack dab in Cold Spring Park or later Albemarle Park.
(And I certainly don’t think you’re advocating toning down the current treatment by many of who presently is serving as the highest leader of the land in the White House — or if I’m wrong on that score, have at it.)
Up to the highest levels of athletics, spectators have come to see the referee as one more person to blame when the game does not go their way. What they fail to see is that there are mistakes made during every minute. A shot wide of the goal by 6 inches, a missed 3rd down conversion, a throw to first that was a second late. We are unable to process these smaller moments that may have much larger impacts on the outcome of a match. The idea that anyone has to be “blamed” is simply a false philosophy.
Here is one headline from Bleacher Report demonstrating the obsession. There are many more examples.
With Billions at stake, why do we allow NFL referees to make “BAD CALLS”?
Let’s all remember that for our kids, sports are supposed to be fun. Once we put all our focus on winning we lose. As a soccer coach for many years I can say with certainty the girls were just as happy to have ice cream after a game than they were to win.
Set an example for your children. Find a teachable moment to explain to them what’s important.