Early this morning a flock of 17 turkeys were documented attacking two Newton politicians. The first attack, captured by Councilman Scott Lennon on his cell phone, is best described as a “rumble,” in which the turkeys formed a vee-shaped phalanx, advancing toward the front of City Hall as Lennon was exiting the building following the first officially sanctioned “Late night to early morning” Mayoral Candidate wrestling match. Lennon managed to escape to temporary safety in his vehicle, until several of the feathered villains flew onto his car and started pecking at his windshield. Candidate Ruthanne Fuller, nursing a torn rotator cuff, and forewarned of the avian danger by Council Clerk David Olson, exited the steps wearing a feathered headdress that she had borrowed from the Historical Collection behind the first floor City Hall Rotunda in an effort to blend in, but was recognized as an imposter by a smaller breakaway flock of these vicious birds and harassed by them. She could be heard scolding the poultry about the costs of waste removal from City Hall grounds as she aimed her car at a tom and hen who were frolicking on the side lawn. Both Councilors were stopped by Police Chief, David MacDonald, who, with gun drawn, ordered them to exit their vehicles so he could remove the animals from their cars. Both Councilors demurred, saying Newton was a Sanctuary City and the turkeys were always welcome.
