This is not a Newton-specific piece but I’m posting it here regardless, in support of all women with similar experiences. Please read* my story: Forty years later, do sexual attackers even remember my name?
Here are a couple of excerpts:
I was the only one to blame myself, I think, and I never put myself in a vulnerable position again, at least not with any of the neighborhood boys. It was my first understanding that I wasn’t as strong as I’d thought, that I could be overpowered.
and…
I speak now in support of all women who have been reluctant to share their stories. If more of us speak up, if we put faces to the staggering number of sexual assaults in this country, maybe people will begin to understand the prevalence of the problem.
*If you’d like to help me get more visibility, please recommend it (heart emoji) on medium.com and share it elsewhere.
I did not speak up for one reason many girls/women don’t: to keep the peace/avoid the tumult in the family, the community, whatever.
@Gail: I admire your courage for sharing this. It could not have been easy. And I am so sorry that this evil thing happened to you.
@Greg: Thanks.
@Jane: I’m sorry to hear that.
@Gail: You are beyond brave. All good people who read your words wrap you in their warm thoughts. And there are a lot of good people in this world.
@Gail – Thanks for sharing this tough stuff. It needs to be done.
It’s way more prevalent than most of us would like to admit. Ask your wife, your sisters, your daughters, your mother. You’ll almost certainly hear another chilling, disturbing story.
I’m impressed with your courage to publicly tell your story and am sorry this happened to you.
I grew up in the 50’s and 60’s when it seemed any behavior toward women and girls was ok – not much was deemed inappropriate. It was generally thought that we were objects to be displayed or played with.
My family, like others, believed in keeping things within the family and particularly in keeping secrets. Parents told their daughters nothing about sex one way or another and fathers joked about sexual behavior with their sons. Parents didnt want to hear about feelings of aniexity or fear – it was all in our heads anyway.
It’s no wonder so many women still don’t tell about being assaulted. We fought to change the laws but it didn’t change much about thinking that it was primarily the women and girls’ fault because of where they were, what they were wearing or what they were drinking.
I was touched inappropriatly more times than I remember growing up and assaulted more than once in college and have never entirely overcome the belief that it was partly my fault. Thank you Gail for sharing your story.
Thank you for sharing. I am praying for a Trump defeat, at the very least for sending out a loud and clear message that these behaviors can no longer be tolerated.
That’s a terrible story and must have been difficult to share. Thanks for doing so.
Thanks so much to Gail and to everyone on this thread for demonstrating such courage–you are shining light on a phenomenon that has thrived in darkness. You all do a great service to womankind.
You’ve got a tremendous amount of courage, Gail. I’m sorry you had to experience this, but thank you for sharing.
I’ve used the law and more to help victims of some pretty horrific sexual assaults fight back against their coward predators, which is why I’d like to reaffirm that your courage goes a long way towards helping other victims heal.
Despite all of the evil in this world that surrounds us, have faith in the fact that there is a common good in many of us, which these days in particular, we need more of.
Gail. Thank you for writing and posting this painful but I hope liberating article for you and others who have suffered . Until this year’s political campaign, I never knew the extent of sexual assault and harassment in and out of the workplace. It’s truly liberating that people, particularly women are coming forward on who they are and what they suffered in terms of sexual assault and harassment, sexual identity, depression, substance abuse, weight issues etc. I, myself, have gone public on some pretty serious learning disabilities I’ve labored under which aren’t in the same league with sexual abuse, but still did a job on my confidence and feelings of self worth. Misplaced guilt is a horrible handicap when it involves things we didn’t cause. I consider this openness to be one of the greater things that has happened in recent years. We need more of it and we’ll get more of it because of what people like Gail have had the courage to do.
In terms of women and the workplace, perhaps I was a bit sheltered because I worked under 5 women during most of my career at EPA in Washington and at the state level. I got on great with 4 of them and never once had a bad word with any of them. I’m still in touch with all of them to this day and I really appreciated the fact they all listened to what I had to say and often actually took my advice. That wasn’t always the case with men I worked under.
Gail thank you for having the courage to share your story. I am a man who was a victim of a sexual assault more than 25 years ago and I have never told anyone about it, not even my wife. I kept it buried for the longest time but now as stories surface of many other children and young people who have been assaulted surface from Catholic churches, private schools, and on an on I am re-examining my feelings of shame and self blame.
Anonymous – I hope that you do share your experiences with a therapist, trusted friend or family member. I shared my experiences with trusted family members and it wasn’t easy on anyone, but it really helped me move on.
In the late 60’s, I was also once assaulted in a crowded subway with a group of college friends – with all of us screaming for help – and after we got off the subway, it never crossed any of our minds to report the incident.
Fast forward to 2012: several years ago, my sister and I were heading to the MFA on Rte 9, and a man became very angry at us for not moving through a green light fast enough. He jumped from his car, pounded on our car, called us the C word (if I may be explicit), amongst other things. He pounded on the car so hard that he dented it. Then he began to follow us so I called 911, screaming into the phone about what was happening to us, gave the dispatcher the man’s license plate, and mentioned our ages (over 60). We were terrified and traumatized. The dispatcher told us this was not something they were going to deal with, and suggested we turn onto a side street!
As it turns out, the 911 call went on for 7 minutes. The next morning, I called the Boston Police to report my displeasure at the response of the dispatcher. The officer answering the phone was quite blase about the whole thing, but did say he’d listen to the 911 tape. Fifteen minutes later, he called back appalled and apologetic for the terrible response we’d received and assured me that the dispatcher manning the 911 line would be removed from the position. He also encouraged us to report the incident and noted that a misdemeanor perpetrated on a person over 60 rises to a level of a felony . He said that it had been very difficult to listen to the tape because we were clearly so frightened.
Much to everyone’s surprise, we pursued the case. We were assigned a terrific detective who stuck with us throughout several court hearings that were cancelled.
At the final hearing, our detailed story was read in open court before a judge. After hearing the story, the judge asked the man if the story was accurate. He said no, that he hadn’t pounded on the window. The judge asked him if everything else was accurate and he said it was! Apparently, pounding on a window was more serious to him than screaming the C word at two 60+ year old women. The judge was not impressed. The prosecutor had suggested 6 months probation, but the judge gave him much more, though I can’t remember the specifics right now. In the end, the detective thanked us for pursuing the case to the end and told us we’d done the right thing.
It’s taken way too long, but the times they are a changin’ and women are NOT turning back the clock. Just not happening.
Wow Jane. Great story that I hope inspires others. Thanks for sharing.
@Gail @jane- You are brave women. Why don’t we report assaults more often? It is tough to think about assault afterwards. Who wants to relive it? Who wants to deal with the people who ask why didn’t you…? And then there is the anger years later that you didn’t speak up the way you should.
Two years ago I was called for jury duty. I had to wait all day to tell the judge that I wouldn’t be able to serve on the case which was a violent sexual assault as part of a domestic abuse situation. As he looked at my juror questionnaire with a checked box next to “have I ever been a victim of sexual assault”, he knew he was not going to be able to seat me. I was easily the 50th woman he would be dismissing for this reason so he needed more information, more confirmation. He apologized for asking but he had been interviewing jurors all day and he only has 5 people on the jury and they are all men “Was I certain that I couldn’t serve?” I couldn’t even speak. I just cried. I couldn’t tell him that the defendant made me ill. He gave off a smug, slick, domineering, aggressive vibe. The kind of man no one is safe around. In my mind he was guilty. In the end, I was released.
In follow up, I contacted the county juror office and shared my story. They told me when I get called up again I can request when I check in not to be even put in the pool for a case involving sexual assault.
Thank you so much to everyone for your support and for sharing your stories. I am absolutely blown away by the stories I’m hearing. One of my best friends from high school told me that she was nearly raped in high school. Neither of us ever told the other our stories.
For the record, it was more difficult for me to put this story on Village 14 than it was to post it on Facebook!
My story was picked up by care2.com, a social network with 37 million subscribers!