Peter Schworm and Ellen Ishkanian wrote an article in today’s Globe about what communities are doing to deal with teen suicide, with an emphasis on Newton and speaking openly about the recent suicides.
Contrary to what Dr. Susan Swick, Newton Wellesley Hospital’s chief of child and adolescent psychiatry, reportedly said Tuesday night about suicide not being contagious, this article references Christine Moutier, chief medical officer at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, who said, “Between 1 percent and 5 percent of all reported suicides result from a phenomenon specialists call contagion, or copycat, suicides.”
I’m relieved to see that somebody corrected Swick (every journalist should know that there is such a thing as copycat suicides). And I’m very pleased to know that school and city administrators are not being evasive about these suicides. They’re in a tough position. They want to protect the privacy of the families but their job is to protect the safety of the rest of the students in the school system.
So, here’s what I want to know: When does the focus change from helping kids cope with this trauma to understanding why this is happening in the first place and how do we prevent it from happening again.
It’s hard to talk about this without someone saying, “It’s too soon” or “This isn’t the time and place.” But when is it the time and place? Should we use this opportunity to discuss stress in our high schools?
Perhaps stress was not a factor in the decisions that Karen, Katie and Roee made, but we know from the 2012-2013 Youth Risk Behavior Survey that 74% of high school students describe their lives as “somewhat or very stressful.” The same survey tells us that school pressure increased 5% over just two years. And, 9% of high schoolers had seriously considered suicide (not necessarily connected to stress) in the year prior to the survey.
It’s taken me a long time to understand the pressure placed on Newton South students. I assume North isn’t much different but I don’t know. And we certainly aren’t the only school district in the country where kids get the message that if they aren’t successful in high school, their lives are doomed.
We need to look at the messages we send our kids. We live in a culture where it’s not unusual for a teacher to tell his 9th graders that if they don’t take Honors Math, they won’t get into an Ivy League College. That should not be ok.
Our schools do so much for our children that is right. It is my opinion that helping them manage stress is not on that list.
It is time for school administrators, teachers, and parents to look inward, not just to see what we can do in the aftermath of tragedy, but to question what we should be doing differently.
Kudos, Gail.
Please allow me to speak as a concerned parent, and not as a local elected official. The question should not be “is it too soon,” but whether it is already too late to start talking about teen suicide.
A friend who is a former high school principal and teacher asked me whether NPS had a 24/7 hotline for teens, that they could call if they are in crisis. All of my kids went through NPS, K-12, and my youngest is a senior at North, but I did not know the answer to his question. So I went to the NPS website and I couldn’t find anything about who to call if you are a teenager or parent of a teenager who is feeling suicidal.
Parents did get an email this week about drop-in times during school vacation week at both high schools and City Hall. But the drop-in hours are very limited and I am skeptical that a teenager in crisis is going to hold it together until there is someone available to talk to. I did get a text message from the Newton Police which directed me to the Newton Cares webpage, that gives the names and numbers of various suicide prevention resources. I have bookmarked it. There is also a link to Newton Cares on the City’s homepage. Good for Mayor Warren for putting this issue front and center on the City’s website.
I am not a mental health professional, and I do not presume to have all the answers, or any at all for that matter. And I do not mean to be unduly critical of the response by the Newton Public Schools, because this is a very tough issue to deal with at any time, even more so after three young people recently took their own lives. But as a concerned parent, who is struggling with this issue just like every other parent, I respectfully submit this list of things I would like to see happen in our community, sooner rather than later. It is by no means comprehensive or complete.
1. We need to have a forum that is a safe place where we can have an open, honest discussion about the causes of teen suicide and ways to prevent it.
2. We should have access to accurate, complete information about teen suicide.
3. We should be talking about the stress teens are under, especially in our schools where the NPS can actually exercise some control over sources of unnecessary, added stress.
4. We should be talking about the fact that the suicide rate is highest among LGBTQ teens, and what to do about it.
5. We should be talking about alcohol and substance abuse among our teens.
6. We should be talking about bullying and the impact it has on victims.
7. We should be talking about how to deal with mental illness, instead of stigmatizing or excluding people who suffer from it from our community.
8. We should be sharing information about the suicide prevention resources available to teens (and their parents) as far and wide as possible in our community.
9. We should continue to do whatever we can to support the families of teenagers who have taken their own lives.
10. We should be talking to our own children about suicide, before it is too late.
As I understand it, teen suicide is a very complex subject. I am not sure there is a whole lot of consensus on what causes it. Further, any real knowledge on this subject is in the realm of mental health professionals. The rest of us are struggling to make sense of something that we are not equipped to analyze or criticize.
While it is human nature to attempt to make sense of a pattern, we don’t understand what we don’t see — which is a lot. The flaw of dot connection is to ignore all of the other dots. For this reason, I don’t think that the systemic issue argument holds water. The fact is that over 99% of NPS students did not attempt or commit suicide this year. Or last year or the year prior. What explains that?
Finally, stress. My preference would be that this subject be addressed separate from teen suicide. Either way, it’s time that people in this community take a hard look in the mirror. NPS is not perfect and there is always room for improvement. However, it does attempt to use professional standards in the face of community (parents) pressure. Policies exist to protect students, which are routinely over-ridden with parental consent. Who, exactly, is driving the stress, here? In what shapes and forms does it occur? That is something that most of us are equipped to discuss.
Citing the Youth Risk Behavior Survey again, Bill, 4% of Newton kids did attempt to commit suicide last year and 6% attempted to kill themselves the prior year. These numbers, by the way, are lower than the state average.
It really doesn’t matter whether we link stress to suicide as long as we acknowledge what it’s doing to the kids. It is a contributing factor in kids cutting themselves, drinking, developing eating disorders, doing drugs, and participating in other harmful behavior. It affects their physical health as well as their mental health.
Ted, aren’t we already doing a lot of the things that you suggested? Here’s my suggestion:
Let’s teach our kids that they are in high school to learn and to be high school students. Their futures do not depend on everything that happens in high school.
I should have said that 4% and 6% reported that they attempted suicide…
“Let’s teach our kids that they are in high school to learn and to be high school students. Their futures do not depend on everything that happens in high school.”
Bravo Gail.
And it begs the point, where does the stress in the schools come from? Shouldn’t we be addressing stress in the homes? As with all things, doesn’t it all start in the home?
Terry –
Isn’t it a little bit of a chicken and egg thing? Teachers need their students to do well on high-stakes tests so they put pressure on them, probably inadvertently. Administrators probably do the same to teachers. But parents want Newton schools to be “what they used to be” and they complain every time Newton drops a slot in the latest best high school or MCAS scores or SATs or whatever rankings. Because if our scores aren’t as high, our schools aren’t as good. And we all know that the only way to measure success is a ranking on a list, right?
I don’t see a chicken and egg dilemma here; I believe that a child’s temperament and attitudes are mostly formed in the home environment.
Gail – thank you for bringing this up. There is so much pressure to be perfect, to get into the “best” schools, etc. I know that my brother gave me hell for not pushing my son to apply to Harvard, Princeton, Yale and for not being willing to mortgage my house (as a single parent!) to send him to an expensive school if we didn’t get enough finaid. And I see this all around.
In a lot of the “top” districts, guidance counselors don’t dare suggest that decent students apply to UMass Amherst (or, even worse, one of the non-flagship UMass campuses or state colleges). Having a kid take a couple of years at community college is seen as a failure. Kids are pushed to do a zillion extra-curriculars, not for the fun or enrichment but because it will “look good.”
This is not just a problem in Newton, but all over. I see a huge difference in attitudes between friends in places like Nebraska versus here – and a lot more reasonableness about it. Getting a C isn’t the end of the world. Going to state university isn’t failure.
Suicide is a very difficult issue to come to terms with for all ages today as it has in the past. Yes, stress levels are high; but the key is to develop the skills to solve these dilemmas. At the high school level as parents we must teach young people that there are ways to cope with these problems and that every person some times feel very low in their lives and need help climbing out of low spirits and depression.
As people on the blog have shown, there are many resources in the community to help survive these critical times.
NP schools can remind students at critical intervals like winter time that we all face stresses that seem over whelming. That there are ways to cope and not feel ashamed of the need to ask for help. I know the community always responds positively to those that may be hurting.
Gail, I heard Susan Swick say this a little differently than you report: I heard her say that kids who are already vulnerable may, as they observe the outpouring of love and attention directed towards the lost child, choose to act themselves. She didn’t call it “copycat” but did acknowledge that one child may influence others.
Terry is in my opinion has the most credible opinion. None of us know of sure, nor do we know if it’s the same in any of the cases that would indicate a pattern.
My observation is that students, especially in high school and especially in places like Newton, are torn between the pressure of parents to do well and the pressure of peers to be cool. Usually these are mutually exclusive.
Parents see their kids as extensions of themselves so that if their child does well in school activities or gets into a good university, they see it as affirmation of who they are. Not meeting the grade is emotionally stressful for the kid, or even meeting the grade but having to work excessively hard to do it.
By the same token, kids have different standards of whom they accept as their peer and often are somewhat cruel about how they treat kids who don’t meet the standards. Often the bullies or kids who harass other kids themselves don’t meet the grade but use this harassment as a kind of defense mechanism for themselves.
Overall it’s a tough situation for kids, and especially it’s a reflection of the poor values of the parents and the poorer values of the peer groups. The sources of both of these are in my opinion what need to be uncovered and improved.
I, as a freshman at Newton North who has engaged in multiple self-destructive behaviors, and ended up on a psych ward twice due to those, feel like I need to say something here. There needs to be a kid’s opinion, so please try to slog through my rather rambling, distracted paragraphs.
At both Newton high schools, and yes, in many other places, there is an incredible amount of pressure put on students. I’ve walked into bathrooms and found other girls sobbing over B’s, saying they’ve failed their teachers or their parents, and that they’ll never get achieve their goals. Hell, I’ve been one of those girls. For all our right, we should be crying over our boy-or-girlfriends; living the lives of teenagers. These years, in my opinion, shouldn’t be about studying all night for that big exam. They should be about experiencing all of our human emotions and learning how to deal with them and the world we live in, with a healthy amount of schooling and preparation for the future. I also believe that this would create much stronger, well-adjusted adults.
I’m not sure how to fix this, honestly. But I really do agree that students need to learn that even with a low grade in this math term, they can become what they want to be. And I do believe that stress has at least a bit of influence on a majority of suicides. When one wishes to die, it’s frequently because they feel they can’t handle life any more. The weight of the stress people/students carry around about what they’ll wear tomorrow, that English test, and their friends’ well being is incredibly high, and sometimes a person gets crushed. It’s disgusting, and I believe that schools need to do real work to decrease the anxiety their students feel, as they actually have the ability to make that change. For instance, give students a little more time to calm down before classes. It’s magic.
I happen to also know for sure that stress brings people to do very unwise and self-destructive things. People look for a little boost to help with that weight, and often the most helpful boosts are the least healthy (drugs, alcohol, self harm, eating disorders, etc.) Cutting, for example, releases endorphins and decreases stress. People get addicted to that sensation of release, and cuts get more frequent and deeper as the effects wear off and become harder to reach. We need to be aware of this downward spiral so we can catch people who are falling as soon as possible.
I have so much more to say. I want to talk about how kids should be treated by the school system as they enter and exit hospitals, and how the schools should consider the fact that students’ time to live is now taken by homework. I want to talk about how students just give up sometimes, stop going to classes or school at all, because of how much anxiety they feel. But I’ll just finish with my own observation, that many more people than those who report it are hurting terribly in Newton. Everywhere I go I see scars, whether on students’ actual bodies or inside. I see people with walls of fake-happiness so high and thick that I wonder if anyone will every fully penetrate them. I see “popular,” seemingly-cheery, girls who go to therapy three times a week. You can never really know what a person feels unless you get close enough for them to share, and that is a difficult feat which most definitely cannot be accomplished by a standardized (yes I do have arguments around that too), large, public school system.
Overall, we need to talk about this. We need to keep communication open and safe for everyone, and we need to together create an actual movement.
Wow. Thank you for being so brave Megan. You just added an immeasurable amount to this conversation.
Part of the puzzle here is resilience. I watch my eldest, now a junior in college, take on ever more challenge. She handles stress much better now than she did at NSHS, and I think one of the keys is sleep. She no longer stints on getting enough rest, and her mental health is much better as a result. That’s in part because she can structure her days to start later. Forcing high school kids to wake up and perform well at what we know is their midnight is a small but fixable part of the problem. We could give them more flexibility– especially around 8 am classes–and start the day later, and with physical activity, so that when they do enter the classroom they are better able to learn.
Putting aside my “correlation is not causality” argument for a moment, Megan’s comments regarding reaction to grade results is similar to what I’ve heard from students and parents. And whether a student engages in unhealthy behavior or not, I very much agree with the element of pressure in the overall high school experience.
So my questions would be:
• Does Newton want a public school system where this much pressure exists?
• Is this much pressure actually effective or necessary?
• How would we go about addressing it?
The intense pressure school sports team feel to win every game and ultimately a title must be at a similar level — the difference being a team approach. Maybe team success in learning would help. It’s the kind of experience that transfers well in the working world.
I should add that I found this thread difficult to read because is not fair to identify certain deaths of high school aged children as a schooling issue. There are just too many other social and environmental factors involved to jump to the easiest identifier. (There’s also a shoot the messenger factor since the schools needed to communicate the deaths) Then there is a great possibility that each case was very different with no common thread.
@Hoss: I do not and did not mean to imply that the recents deaths had anything to do with school. It is entirely possible that the only thing these three teens had in common was their school district. I can understand how it reads as it I were connecting dots, but that’s not what I intended to do.
However, I can tell you that our teens are asking whether these dots are connected. We can’t answer them but what we can do is acknowledge that we do know that stress is a serious problem in the schools that leads to harmful behavior. In all likelihood there are other causes of stress in their lives, but, as a community, the one we can try to contain is what’s going on in the schools.
I think Bill’s questions are excellent.
I like that idea, Hoss. Definitely something to continue thought about.
But something else that scares me is how long this pressure has been put on students in Newton. In all honesty, my parents haven’t pushed me to get the highest grades in years, and I’ve even had a teacher who told me to calm down about getting perfect test scores. But when I was younger, I believe it was somehow ingrained that if I didn’t get A’s, I wasn’t a good person. This past our community has with pushing students to the breaking point, with hours of studying and scolding, is something that kids absorb into themselves. For most students in Newton, they are their own worst enemy. So I think whatever change we make to help kids handle lives as students needs to come soon, to prevent even more kids from absorbing this lesson of self-hatred and doubt.
By the way, very well said Gail. You’ve got the point I wanted to make as well. 🙂
Thanks Megan for your terrific contribution to this issue. My daughter attended NPSs and faced successfully many of the pressure challenges you described. She attended college and headed out into the world of a competitive work place.
Here the pressures really begin to build up. After a particularly difficult time working under a stressed out boss she developed problems which seemed insurmountable and wasn’t prepared for what followed. She did come through it barely but not without the scars of trauma.
So, yes high school life creates difficult pressures. You are correct to suggest ways to make life easier for teenagers and I hope the community responds because life doesn’t get any easier after high school. Let’s hope we all help young people prepare for what lies ahead.
Megan F — Your experiences today, both the ups and downs, will help you shape a child in the future and make them better for it. I know this because you’ve already shown that you can talk about things and that is how it’s done.
Thank you all.
Megan,
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I’ve seen this too much in Newton and similar Metrowest communities, family in NYC, and other places.
A large part of why we ended up homeschooling my son for high school (which included things like community college courses) was because I knew he wouldn’t be able to handle the pressure and workload of the local high schools. I knew he’d be fine once he reached college, because of the lower course load and less pressure (and he was).
The pressure and stress have definitely ratcheted up since I was a teen in the 70s. We need to find ways to bring it back to more reasonable and manageable levels.
I’m not going to pretend that I have any idea why these Newton high school students took their own lives. I didn’t know them, and I don’t know what motivated them. So it’s not my intention in any way to affix blame for these tragedies. I simply want to point out where our school system adds a lot of unnecessary stress to vulnerable teens.
I could debate for hours the cumulative effects of a “teach and test” system that’s only been made more stressful in recent times with the high stakes of standardized testing, or the amount of homework these kids are expected to complete in addition to their 7-8 hour school day. I certainly question the balance of those things, with the unmeasured stress they add to teen lives. But the pragmatist in me knows that the school system will not evolve without prompting, and most parents are simply not ready to pursue a dialogue about alternatives, as was made clear when some even objected to the occasional “homework free weekends” at Newton South, initiated by Principal Stembridge.
But if there’s one thing I think we can all agree on, it’s that Newton Public Schools should do everything they can to promote a healthy lifestyle for students. Sadly, this is perhaps our area of greatest failure when it comes to vulnerable teens. And the most obvious example I can think of, is the early morning start times at Newton’s two high schools…
Sleep deprivation is a tool used by the military and law enforcement to break the will of enemy combatants and criminals under interrogation. Should our high school students really be systemically subjected to sleep deprivation? Studies have linked sleep deprivation to depression in teens. Common sense alone should tell us we’ve created an unhealthy situation, with high school kids staying up late to do homework, getting up early, skipping breakfast, and starting school a full 90 minutes before most adult Americans start their workday.
I’ve raised the issue of sleep deprivation among high school students numerous times since 2004 when I was a candidate for mayor. I’ve blogged about it incessantly here on Village 14 and the Tab blog, particularly in the days leading up to the 2011 School Committee elections. At that time, a majority of those who would ultimately be elected to SC, responded on the two blogs, acknowledged the issues created by early morning start times, and pledged to try and address it. Instead, they did absolutely nothing to change it.
I’m NOT suggesting sleep deprivation played any role in the recent suicides, because I know nothing about the specific circumstances that led to those tragedies. I am simply suggesting that the systemic sleep deprivation our high school students are exposed to, has undeniable psychological and physical consequences. Given recent events, this issue warrants immediate attention from the School Committee. I believe it is imperative that they move high school start times later. Parents should not accept any more excuses, and should insist that the School Committee fixes this problem before the beginning of the next school year.
The discussion continues about stress, and other “motivations”… Some doc having given what seems like a great combo of meds, may have caused one. Some undiagnosed illness might have caused another. We’re hearing about these three because they were in school and their young peers need a hand in understanding things so school officials reported the deaths. If the three were older, there would be no such openness of information (allowing potentially false cause and effect conclusions). Asking what’s going on in Newton schools is unfair and it would be particularly sad if the district made “corrections” and disrupted what we have — a model system.
@Hoss: We should be having these conversations separate from the suicides. Read what Megan wrote about walking into the bathrooms sobbing over B’s feeling like they’ve failed their parents, their teachers, themselves. That’s the problem, not these three teens. Newton isn’t alone with this problem but I bet we’re high up there in the amount of pressure our kids place on themselves. It’s not an easy problem and it won’t be solved immediately but it will never be fixed if we go on ignoring it.
The problem doesn’t exist for everyone. Some kids thrive under the pressure. Some kids are able to ignore it. But others fold. The schools are great for the kids who thrive but I think they can do a better job for the kids who buckle.
That’s not what I’d call a model school system.
They used to “track” kids, so the high achievers were together and so on down. I don’t know if they do that now. The PC approach is “inclusion”, including as I understand it special needs students with others. This sort of approach can put pressure on kids that simply don’t have the capabilities, like putting a small weak guy on a football team for “inclusion” and having him come home bruised and beaten, and feeling depressed about his lack of capability.
this week’s Alderman’s docket has the mayor proposing setting up a suicide prevention program. See: http://lwvnewton.org/2014/02/docket-digest-for-the-week-of-feb-17-19/
Barry – at the high school level, there is indeed tracking in the sense of having multiple levels of courses. The amount of homework and level of stress for kids who intellectually belong in honors/AP courses is out of control.
I’m speaking as someone who was in the gifted track in elementary school, an exam school for jr. high, did the International Baccalaureate at one of the first high schools to offer it when it was first created, and attended a top university (one of those currently accepting <10% of applicants).
Being in the gifted track at one of the top schools in NYC in the 70s, the writing requirements were lower in 5th grade than they were in my son's 2nd grade class.
My homework load when doing the International Baccalaureate was less than those of today's high school students. I wasn't expected to spend all my after school hours doing extra-curriculars. We didn't have SAT prep courses and pressure to get perfect scores on everything.
Things have gotten out of control, not just in Newton.
Very interesting that Andreae found a “suicide prevention program” on the BoA agenda and not the School Committee agenda. Is this a first in terms of community education? Do we have a domestic violence program or an addiction program? If the spending is for education, I’d rather it be spend on students, not adults… We adults have multiple state and federal program aimed at health and safety issues Seems redundant, and I’m not sure municipal govt is the right place at all for this kind of focus outside of schooling
@hoss: it’s a mayoral proposal and it reads (to me) like it’s directed at kids. I think setti realizes that we have our kids in and out of school and need to offer help in the community also